My poor stepson what can I do?

My step son spent the summer here with us and he has it pretty good- his own room, his own things and the ability to go places like ride his bike to his grandmas, the library or walk home from the boys and girls club. His mom and very large family were supposed to move to another state to a new house which would have been big enough. However we knew it wasn’t going to happen because they have really screwed credit, the house was featured on Craigslist and Youtube and was rent to own. (They make really bad choices). So She called and said they weren’t moving but that her husband had just bought a new jeep. They are already paying off a truck, a van, sitting on a Volkswagen Bug that doesn’t run, and paying off a single wide 3bdrm that they have trashed beyond hope of renting or selling. They have 6 kids and 3 very small bdrms if you do the math it’s really not okay. Sharing a room isn’t an issue-but with 4 other boys? The situation is just heart wrenching. I don’t want to take the boy from his mother, it’s not my motive because that relationship is always important. Isn’t there something that can be done so that he is safe until they decide to put their children at the top of their priority list? I am pretty mad about the jeep- they have no business buying a jeep when they have 6 kids, 3 dogs, 2 cats and 2 adults in a single wide. When he is there our son isn’t allowed to leave the house unless he is at school. I can’t imagine what 9 months in that hell hole will do to him. Any advice, my husband just doesn’t know what he should say to her.
The boy in 9. While I don’t get to decide how they spend their money or where they choose to live – I am allowed to express my concern and have feelings about it good or bad. People are absolutely right – I am the step and have no rights at all. But my husband does.

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5 Responses to My poor stepson what can I do?

  1. Toxicpanduh #2 August 26, 2010 at 5:39 am #

    Child first, maintaining relationship with mother second. Most States have laws regarding to how many children can stay in a single bedroom. Get a lawyer & sue for custody is my advice.

  2. d a z e d August 26, 2010 at 5:39 am #

    he should seriously try and get custody of him. im sure he can do it with their living situation and what not, he shouldnt just stand by and let all that crap happen to his son…. but he needs to be the one doing it even though you do care, you dont really have a say in his son’s life until he is in your husbands custody

  3. Tricia G August 26, 2010 at 5:39 am #

    He should ask his wife and simply say something like "we’ve really enjoyed our visit with the boy this summer and would really like him to live here. Do you think this is something we can work out together?"

    With 8 people in a 3 bedroom house…and a son who is not her husband’s, this may be something that she is agreeable to.

    The worst she can do is say no. And then if your husband wants custody, there are other ways around it. But approaching her first about it is probably the easiest and least expensive…especially if both parents are in agreement.

  4. frillyfroofroo August 26, 2010 at 5:39 am #

    You and your husband have no control over how they spend their money or how they choose to live.

    Your husband could consult an attorney to learn if he can get custody.

    Has your step-son asked to stay with you permanently? Is he old enough to make that decision? If so, perhaps the court will award custody to you and your husband.

    Joy to you!

  5. Cooker August 26, 2010 at 5:39 am #

    You did not say how old the stepson is, but if he is 12, he is legally able to decide which parent he wants to live with no animosity between parents.

    All that is needed is for the son to express his wishes to his father, to go to court and file for a change in custody. The judge will talk to the boy in closed chambers, so it is not scary, no drama. Over in about 10-15 minutes.

    If he is not 12, PLEASE call child protective services–you can remain anonymous. What you are describing are unhealthy and unfit conditions for 8 people–6 kids and 2 adults–living in a single-wide.