Wife thinks I'm lying to her about having an affair. She's moved out & threatening me with a divorce?

I’m a 25 year old Lieutenant in the Air Force. I fly F-15s here at Nellis AFB in Las Vegas. My wife (she’s 24) & I have been married a little under a year, & its been an ok marriage. We both met in college at UC Boulder while I was in AFROTC, & she was a student employee for the department. I admit, yeah, I used to be a really big party animal & I dated & slept with a lot of women in college, & my wife constantly won’t let me forget that, but I mean I’ve tried to change since then. I’ve never understood why she just can’t let the past be the past.

Anyway, the other evening when I got home from the base, we both got into a really huge argument because she confronted me of & accused me of cheating after I got back from a TDY assignment to Luke AFB in Arizona. She found a receipt from a restaurant in Phoenix for lunch for two that I had meant to put in the shredder, but forgot, in the pocket of one of my flightsuits when she was doing laundry, as well as the fact that she found lipstick on the collar of my flightsuit. I told her all I did was take one of the civilian secretaries from my squadron who went with me & a couple of other guys in the squadron on the TDY to lunch, nothing more. There was nothing sexual about it or anything. I never even slept with her or touched her, it was just a friendly lunch, nothing more. The lipstick was just from a quick 2 second friendly kiss as thanks for the lunch. My wife went overboard on me, she started throwing my clothes out into the parking lot of our apartment complex, then she went & smashed one of my favorite bottles of cologne that she bought me last Christmas. She told me that our marriage was over, & that I’m just a womanizing b@st@rd. I also called her a few names & said she should be sticking by her hubby, to which she told me to go to Hell.

Anyway, I decided to go cool off for a few hours while she just locked herself in the bedroom crying over nothing in my opinion. I drove around for a while, & then remembered a couple of my buddies in my squadron told me about this strip club just off the Strip. I decided to check it out to make me feel a little better. I went in & then I bought a couple of lap dances. I had a lot of alcohol as well there, so I was pretty drunk.

During one of the lap dances in a private room, I ended up getting a bon*r. I had these Levi jeans on & the pressure of it pushing on them was just too much to handle & I ended up blowing my load. My boxers were soaked. I was thinking about staying a little longer, but I was feeling a little sick from all the alcohol I drank. I was going to drive back home, but then I realized I was too drunk to drive & couldn’t even walk straight, so I just got a cab home & left my Jeep at the club.

I got home & my wife was waiting up for me, saying she was worried about me & wanted to talk to me, but I just told her I was too tired to argue & just wanted to get undressed & go to sleep. She seemed pretty upset, & as I was getting into bed, she noticed my boxers & the c*m stains on the front of them. She accused me of going to see the woman from work I took out to lunch. I told her straight out that I did not go see her. I don’t even know where she lives. I told her I went to a strip club instead, & she pretty much started slapping me & pounding into me, saying I was a cheating b****rd, & that going to a strip club was even worse in her eyes. She also said if I remember correctly that she is going to go to my CO (which could ruin my military career if she tells him she thinks I’m cheating) & made me sleep on our couch. Anyway, the next morning she left me a note saying she is going to stay with her mom back home in Denver, where we are both from, & that she wants nothing to do with me, & said I’m no different than when we were in college. I tried calling her, but her Mom answers every time & refuses to put me onto her, saying that I’m no longer her son-in-law as far as she’s concerned & that I don’t care about anyone but myself, & I’m a poor excuse for an Air Force Officer & called me a typical fly-boy. Her mom’s always hated my guts anyway. She’s saying I need to get on the next flight back to Denver and go groveling on my hands and knees to my wife to beg for her forgiveness. How am I supposed to explain that kind of leave request to my command? Plus I have other obligations here in Las Vegas to attend to. I have a feeling my wife might divorce me over this. I really don’t want to go through a messy & expensive divorce, I don’t have the time for that & I do love my wife.

I mean I’m really getting worried she’s going to speak to my CO about this. I just wish she would believe me that I’m not a womanizer. Am I really a bad person because of this, & a poor excuse for a USAF Officer like her Mom said? I really don’t want to ruin any chances of being promoted to Captain over this.

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9 Responses to Wife thinks I'm lying to her about having an affair. She's moved out & threatening me with a divorce?

  1. B. September 19, 2010 at 5:37 am #

    I gotta side with the wife on this. You gave her all the proof she needed to believe that you are not being true to her. YOU say it is all circumstantial but honestly, it would stand up in a court in an adultery case, now wouldn’t it? Yes, this is very poor, selfish, behavior for an officer in the armed forces. If you really want to continue with the marriage, you need to talk to your wife and suggest marriage counseling. Yes, you need counseling. You did not even consider her feelings or any consequences that might happen with your actions. You are married now and you need to think about her with every decision that you make. Maybe you need to speak to your CO and explain the situation to him before your wife does. He might give you a 2 or 3 day leave to go to her and talk to her about this. Yes, you made some very poor decisions and yes, you need to face up to those, but the situation can still be fixed as long as you are willing to work for it.

  2. R.E. September 19, 2010 at 5:37 am #

    Wow. Way too long. Without trust you have nothing. Either go to counseling and hope to work this trust thing out or get a divorce.

  3. BabeHart September 19, 2010 at 5:37 am #

    You got a lot of good answers when you posted this before…it boils down to doing what you feel is best man…nothing we say is going to make a difference when it comes down to it…

  4. Pearl September 19, 2010 at 5:37 am #

    I wouldnt buy all that bullcrap either if I were your wife.

  5. LAgirl September 19, 2010 at 5:37 am #

    You’re some kind of FREAK aren’t you? A strip club after an argument with your wife? Get some help. No, I don’t mean comfort from other women. I mean some serious couple’s counseling after you tell your wife how much you REALLY LOVE HER. Not just that you don’t have time or money for a divorce!

  6. New Year September 19, 2010 at 5:37 am #

    I stopped reading after the 2nd paragraph. You can’t present the facts out well enough to convince her, sadly…and I’m not even sure if even I would believe that. Also you don’t accept or give kisses from/to any other women when you are married…that’s where you went wrong.

  7. CuriousLittlePrincess September 19, 2010 at 5:37 am #

    Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Buddy
    First of all, if you want to be with her is because you love her, not because you dont want to go through an "expensive" divorce or because of who she might tell. If the main reason why you want her back is because you love her, go out of your way to show her that you care. Sorry but the facts of the lipstick are not on your side, and I rather not judge. Going to a strip club was a terrible idea, you should have gone to a counselor or maybe a church. Now what you can do: go out of your way to show her that she is the one you care about, promise her there will not be any more 1-1 meals, and if there are (dont tell her this) ONLY PAY YOUR FOOD. Why would you buy a stranger’s lunch? If she/he is part of the family, or an old friend whom she trusts, go on… But not a co-worker!
    I’m sure you’ll find the way to show you have not gone back to being a "ladieSman", if you haven’t.
    Just show her that you love her, and be patient and polite, no matter how much she rejects you. She might be refusing to give in because she wants to test your willingness to fix your mistakes, specially if you have an about 1 year old marriage. By insisting she will see that you care, and do your best even when things are perfect, this will ensure her that if a worse crisis shows up sometime, you will stick to her, and fight with her. Life will always have problems, so she might want to see in you someone who will do his best to solve them.
    Keep trying, do something really sweet to melt her and never give up on her if you really love her. If you really love her, you wont stop until you fix thins and many other things that might come
    Now, remember to act in a way that you let her know where you are, and why you are there, to avoid further problems of this kind

  8. Annabella September 19, 2010 at 5:37 am #

    You have much deeper problems than lipstick on a collar that is easily explained. Your wife can’t let go of all the girls you F’d before her & she’s convinced you’ll fall back into that pattern. She’s insanely insecure & unhappy in general. It seems as though she has just been waiting for the bomb to drop from the start & probably never trusted you to begin with. That’s not a life, that’s not a marriage, that’s misery day in & day out. I would never be married to someone who doubted every move I make. That being said, you are a complete IDIOT for going to a strip club of all places in the midst of an argument over infidelity, just retarded & inexplicable.

    That being said . . . your wife is out for blood & payback. If my husband cheated on me (or vice versa) we would handle that ourselves & neither of us would ever think of ruining each others lives or careers over it. Your wife seems to have a very vindictive nature & knows exactly what to do to keep you in check. I say file the divorce papers now & claim SHE is cheating on you. You need to protect your career because right now you don’t have a marriage that’s worth anything so why fight for that? She’s one step ahead of you so you best get one step ahead of her & let her know she can’t F with you. Nobody is that mean to try & ruin a person’s life & career. Let her go. She’s obviously miserable.

  9. Scott September 19, 2010 at 5:37 am #

    Ha so much for term "An Officer and a Gentleman". You fail miserably on both counts Lieutenant.

    Lipstick does not get on your collar from a "quick 2 second kiss". Dude seriously, you intended to shred a receipt? You are a lying, sorry disgusting excuse for a husband and a human being. You aren’t in college anymore, so quit playing "Frank the Tank" Mr. Man-whore. You probably slept with the stripper too. I hope your wife takes you to the cleaners fly-boy. May your career crash and burn, just as your marriage has. Your wife can easily find someone much better than you, a real man. You are a disgusting disgrace to our nation’s military, and you give decent guys everywhere a bad name.